Tupac Shakur's Horcruxes
by NDC
Summary: Theory, discussion, and the back story of the most fearsome wizard to ever live, Tupac Shakur.


_Tupac Shakur's Horcruxes: Discussion and Analysis_

Commonly accepted in rapper lore are two principles: Pac was shot in that 750 BM Dub, and Pac is still alive. I will begin with a conclusion: Since Pac was pronounced dead, and he is most definitely still alive, one can only conclude that he created Horcruxes prior to his death. A horcrux is an object described as "a receptacle for ... hiding a part of [one's] soul." In other words, you off some fool and seal part of your soul in an object, thus gaining immortality provided the Horcrux still exists. Tupac continues to release music even though he is "dead," perhaps the most compelling piece of evidence that he is rapping even without a physical body. Even "Changes" was after his death (loss of body).

"Codswallop, in my opinion. Dunno if he had enough human left in him to die." - Hagrid on the likelihood of Voldemort's death.  
I sincerely doubt that Pac had enough human left; at the height of his reign he was perhaps the most fearsome human alive, having split his soul multiple times.

**The Early Days, Learning of Horcruxes**

How did Tupac learn about Horcruxes? The most likely answer is that Pac was in direct communcation with Lord Voldemort, though neither Pac nor the Dark Lord could use a Patronus to communicate (both are far too angry). Both Tupac and Voldemort were in power in the mid 1990's with similar objectives; Tupac's main goals were to get around with hoes and make money, while Voldemort initially planned to kill Harry Potter and then fuck bitches and get galleons. Little is known about the creation of a horcrux beyond the splitting of one's soul with the act of murder, something that Tupac wasn't particularly shy about. Seriously, just listen to "Hit 'Em Up." The actual act of creating the horcrux is likely wandless, since Pac preferred using his 9mm for the kills as opposed to Avada Kedavra. Regardless, there are plenty of parallels that could result in a Voldemort/Tupac alliance: a mortal enemy (Potter, Biggie), general disregard for human life, a group of dedicated followers, the love of revenge. One particularly stands out, however: the delight that both Tupac and the Dark Lord took in talking a ton of shit before attempting to kill someone. Tupac rapped, and Voldemort gave a bunch of long-winded, maniacal speeches that often ended in sweet ultimatums. I conclude that Tupac and Voldemort were allies and the Dark Lord taught Pac how to create horcruxes.

**Possible Victims, Physical Horcruxes**

Tupac pretty much threatened to kill anyone who he suspected was talking shit. It would seem that Tupac, written "innocuously" as 2Pac, used that shorthand as a reference to the number of Horcruxes he created. I suspect that Pac created his first horcrux with an anonymous murder and then created his second horcrux by killing the Notorious B.I.G while in the transparent, ghost-like form that he entered after losing his physical body. Pac once told me that his one true regret was that he was not rolling in a 500 Benz at the time of his shooting. From here I delve into little more than guesswork, but I would surmise that Pac's first horcrux was a 500 Benz (frequently referenced, notably in "Picture Me Rollin'" and his second a copy of his best-selling album, All Eyez on Me.

**Where is Pac? Whose "Flesh, Blood, and Bone" will return him to life?**

No, Pac is not on some fucking farm with Elvis, who would never have had the balls to create Horcruxes. All reports indicate that Tupac is out in his beloved Cali, rolling blunts and biding his time until Snoop Dogg comes down from his high long enough to resurrect him. Pac's father would not be involved in the ritual; he would likely use his mother instead. I figure Snoop will be the servant providing the flesh, and he'll kidnap Diddy to forcibly take the blood of an enemy. Maybe Mobb Deep.

**Looking to the Future**

Admittedly, Pac was far less afraid of death than the Dark Lord, even rapping somewhat fondly about the afterlife in "Thugz Mansion." Though this was a posthumous song, so what the fuck? It seems likely that Tupac will return in the near future to playa hate, make money, and roll with hoes. It also remains possible that Tupac will help out Voldemort by killing Harry Potter, because the Dark Lord fucked that one up pretty badly.

Let us not discount the possibility of Billy Mays creating horcruxes, I have a feeling we are going to see a shitload of fantastic products and infomercials still coming out.


End file.
